Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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