Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I won the penis lottery.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
