one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
