I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
