I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
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he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
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Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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