The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
