I must be too annoying 4 u.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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