Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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