He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
