omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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