In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
