but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
