If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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