spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
