I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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