dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
