Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
