i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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