2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
