we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
