My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
