Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
