I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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