So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
