So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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