If that was your dad, he is hot
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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