Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
