you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
