did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
