Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
