I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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