He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
