I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
