you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
