your room smells of hookers.
And success
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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