Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
