I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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