So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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