why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
