I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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