She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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