I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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