So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
