and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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