My first STD was from a foam party
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
