after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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