seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
