don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
