Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
