I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
