Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
