Where is the hickey?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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