I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
