what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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