Only a mothe r could love this liver
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
