I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
