Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
