Duck Duck Cougar?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
