I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
