What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
