Your face is a jimmy john
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
