so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You're like the curious george of whores
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
