Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
