just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
