I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
