my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
