i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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