hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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