What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
