I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
FUCK WHALES
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
