What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
high people should be assigned attendants
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
