you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
