I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
