eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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