At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
