The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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