I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
