You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
