I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
