Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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