Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I love having hate sex.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
