The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
