worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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