Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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