you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
birth control should be required to get into college
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
