I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sober January is a disaster.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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